Let the Buyer Beware
by Artemis Rae
Summary: Iroh is the bad cop. No, really. Iroh and Toph have already saved the world. Bad customers stand no chance. Gen fic.


**Title**: Let the Buy Beware  
**Rating**: K  
**Summary**: Iroh's the bad cop. No, really.  
**A/N**: Spoilers for what Iroh's fate is at the end of the series.

* * *

It was closing time at the Jasmine Dragon. Iroh was in the back, restocking, while Toph was alone in the front with the last customer.

She had her eye on him, figuratively speaking.

Young, she assumed, hearing the high pitch to his voice. Rich, judging by the swishing sounds his fine clothing made and his excellent eye for which was the best (most expensive) tea on the menu. Up to no good, judging by the way his heart thudded in his chest.

Toph's toes twitched, flexing impatiently against the cool tile of the floor. The customer had just finished his cup. Iroh had turned the sign to close the store but hadn't yet locked the door. She watched as the kid strained his neck as if to check for Iroh, and then glance back at her, sitting in the corner with her eyes trained down towards the table.

Some things never changed. Iroh had reopened his tea shop in the inner ring and while a variety of different people came through those doors – Iroh always loved serving the refugees he once lived with – the vast majority of those who patronized the Jasmine Dragon were rich, upper class, inner ring dwellers. Toph had long ago washed her hands of their rules, but that didn't mean that she had forgotten them. Most honored among the hoity toity code of honor: save a coin, if at all possible.

Sometimes that was by less than honorable means. Toph sat still as stone as the young man finally turned, openly studied her, reassured himself that she could not possibly see him with that sheen over her eyes, and decisively stood up and started to stride towards the door.

He wasn't watching the ground very carefully – Toph thought only the blind could have missed the tiles that had mysteriously shifted out of his way. He tripped and rolled an ankle, spinning to catch himself and instead falling into one of the tables that lined the small aisle, pulling the cloth and rattling the cups and saucers still set in place.

_It's a good thing that the tables aren't built higher_, Toph couldn't help thinking, _Or else he'd be swimming in broken pottery_.

Toph moved quickly. When he opened his eyes, he was greeted by hers staring, unblinking, directly at him. She would be the first to admit that she only vaguely grasped the concept of personal space – which is to say that she well understood the concept of her own personal space, but that the personal care and comfort of others was traditionally up for debate – and it was in situations such as these that such a distinct character failing actually worked in her favor.

"Well lookie at what we have here," Toph remarked, poking the young man in the forehead with the big toe of her right foot. She heard the metal rings clinging and the rustle of fabric as Iroh pulled back the curtain separating him from the dining room. She tilted her head towards him. "We got ourselves one of those no good inner-ring _cowards_."

"Pl-please!" the thief started to say, before Iroh hustled over and offered him a hand up.

"It's not true, is it son?" he asked, giving the young man a wounded look. "You weren't walking away from the check, were you?"

Toph shoved her way between them. The target of her anger tripped over the hem of his robe, trying to step back away from her, and nearly ended up back on his rear before Toph reached out and snagged the front of his jacket, bringing him down to her level. "He's the worst kind! Not only cheating an old man, but looking to take advantage of a little blind girl! He's scummier than the roots in Foggy Swamp!" she snarled, her lip curling back and revealing a row of perfect white teeth. "Do you know who I am, boy? Do you realize who _we_ are?"

"Please!" The kid stuttered out again, his hands out and placating. "Please! I meant no disrespect to the most honorable Mushi! I'll pay the debt! I'll pay more!"

"You can certainly _afford_ to –" Toph started before Iroh laid a calming hand on her shoulder. Reluctantly, she released her hold on the young man and took a step back, letting Iroh take the lead.

"You are a member of the Tan-He family, am I right?" Iroh asked slowly, holding the kid's gaze with a sad, mournful look. "I know your father. He's a very good man. Enjoys debating jasmine versus osmanthus."

The Tan-He son looked horrified. "Are you going to tell my father?" he whispered. He hadn't counted on being caught or recognized. He sounded positively terrified.

Iroh sniffled, and ignored the young man's question. "I only wish I could have had such debates with my own father. He had no appreciation for such things as tea. I had to cultivate the interest on my own, and build the very dream of this shop up without any support."

The kid's lip started to tremble. Toph felt her own twitch before straightening her face out and interrupting the old man. "You see what you did kid? Look at how you upset him!"

Iroh mopped his eyes with the sleeve of his robe. "It just hurts my heart to see that there are children out there who won't properly embrace the teachings of their elders!"

Toph turned her frown back to the young thief. He was trembling, heart racing and breathing shallow. "Are you happy now? Is this worth a cup of free tea?"

He shook his head. "Blessed badgermoles, no." Despite his biological agitation, Toph was positively sure he was telling the truth.

She sneered at him. "Do you know what I like to do with sniveling weaselrats like you? Do you?"

A soggy hand landed on her shoulder. "Let him go."

She didn't turn her head. "Are you serious?"

"Yes." Iroh's voice was quiet, and solemn. "This is a mistake he will not make again. You know very well that I believe in second chances." Then he sniffed hard, and his voice broke. "Even if he tried to cheat an old man out of a cup of tea…"

"You heard him," Toph barked, pointing towards the doorway. "Get out. Before I change his mind."

He didn't need to be told twice. The Tan-He boy fled, his sandals flapping loudly on the ground. Toph could follow his heartbeat for a full fifty paces before it faded from her view.

Toph finally turned to face Iroh again. His heart, in contrast to the one Toph had just been watching, was as calm as ever.

He snorted. Toph's lips automatically widened, replacing the grimace she'd just been wearing.

They both burst out laughing.

"Every time," Iroh gasped. "Every time, I think, _they know who she is, they're not going to dare_!" He paused to wipe tears yet again, this time due to mirth. "And then they do it anyway!"

"That," Toph agreed, holding her stomach. "is _never_ going to get old."


End file.
